The Sunday of the Prodigal is always a hard one for me: not because I am a failure, but because I need nearly every day – to “come to myself” as the Son does in the story, and realise that life in my Father’s house is so much better than here, in my own place.

How many times must I repent?

A Christian Bookstore is full of easy answers:

Praying the “sinners prayer” is supposed to make you “once saved, always safe”. Some Christian communities opine that Jesus paid the price once and for all and that once you “come under the precious blood” you’ll be fine for all eternity.

I think they miss the point: making “salvation to be about paying debts for sins imagined or real. They make God out to be angry and duped – angry at us for our petty offenses and duped by his son into thinking that, even though we continue to commit them they do not matter any more, look, here’s some blood.

The Orthodox Tradition – ancient, Historic Christianity – is rather focused on God as the Father in this parable. The God who – like many parents in our world – loves his children almost to error. When we want to go, he gives us his blessing. When we come back, he’s weeping.

My own life is one of constant conversion – each turn, each new thing, is a blessing for a while, but then I know I have to go further on. Does that mean that I’m getting closer or getting further away?

Each of our paths is different, even within the Christian tradition. Some of us don’t get to walk “inside” for very long and yet our goal is the same: the Father from a long way off running towards us faster than we’re getting to him.

In some readings of this Parable, the younger son is the Gentiles, whilst the older, jealous son is the Jews. I don’t want to imagine that’s what Jesus was saying here. But how many times are we, each of us, in the roll of the eldest son? How many times do we look and see someone having it easy whilst our road is hard? How many times do we look and imagine that they are getting all the blessings and yet we, here, have all the struggles?

So even now, at the end of the sermon, I’ll loop back to the beginning. How do we deal with those Christian communities that are offering the whole “once saved always safe” idea?

The traditional answer is for pious Orthodox Christians to pretend those folks – Lutherans, Church of Christ, Evangelicals, Charismatics, etc – are not even Christian at all. They’re heretics and schismatics. And we are right.

“Once saved always safe” has a parallel, liberal teaching, a mirror image: never not saved. Liberal Episcopalians, Catholics, etc offer this. And Orthodox Christians – many ex-Episcopalians, etc – come back again with “not even Christian at all.

Ah, the joys of being the elder brother.

And the standard reply: “It’s not pride and arrogance to simply state the Truth. We’re right and they are wrong. When they come to their senses, God will throw them a party, too”

When do we get to be the younger brother? Our sins are surely not as big as theirs. We do not wallow in heresy or schism, here in the arms of Mother Church.

Have you nothing that weighs heavily on your heart? Paul says all things are lawful – but not all things are beneficial. Here is a place where we need to look.

I know that there are ways in a man’s heart that sex and lust can take hold and dominate. Perhaps it is true, also, of a woman’s heart. I know there are ways in times of abundance, when feasting and gluttony can take hold in my heart and even my own desire to loose weight for health’s sake can not overcome my desire to eat one more bon bon.

Did the prodigal come straight home, or did he have some turnings?

When Paul speaks of prostitutes, I think he is, in fact, speaking in the first person. He’s been widowed and without a wife for sometime now. Traveling on the road, seeing homes where happy families cavort. He is, after all, a man. What should he do?

Perhaps for you or me, the prostitute is not sexual: I’m getting older now where a warm coat and a gourmet meal are more important than another warm body in bed…

But I can still find myself downstairs chatting with an attractive someone, even as time for Church draws near.

Once the prodigal got home, did he never stumble again?

Time to repent again and come to my self.

That is, God. My true self – not the false self image I craft for my ego’s sake.

Lent is the time to make this journey. To find God before us weeping for Joy. To realise how far we’ve yet to go and how much more we’ve yet to overcome by his Grace in our lives.

The only thing that is once for all is our life in him.

What things hold you back?